haha ok ill copy and paste, i'm not sure if they are serious or not.. but omg they are hilarious!! just give me a min

This is called Devouring Edward

Edward had been missing Bella terribly, for he hadn’t seen her since he went out hunting delicious mountain lions. Almost silently, he parked the sleek silver Volvo in her driveway and was instantly at the front window. He smiled to himself. Finally, he would know what Bella did, whilst not with him.

Edward edged closer to the windowsill, careful not to make any noise, and peered past the curtains into the kitchen. He was quite shocked at what he saw.

Bella was standing by the pantry, holding a can of whipped cream, spraying it directly into her wide open mouth.

Edward’s jaw dropped. How did Bella stay so slim?

Perhaps she used one of those tummy-jiggling devices that young people liked to use these days. Edward shuddered at the thought of those infomercials involving many close-ups of obese stomachs wobbling furiously.

Suddenly, Bella began to mutter to herself and Edward was pulled out of his reverie.

“It’s like an orgasm in my mouth …” she murmured through a mouth full of cream.
Edward couldn’t help himself – he gasped loudly. Bella spun around, but Edward ducked out of her sight.

“Who’s there?” she mumbled through the cream.

Holding back a grin, Edward snuck away from the window and back to his car. He jumped into the driver’s seat and collapsed over the steering wheel in laughter.

It was then that an idea struck Edward right on his nose.

Bella like whipped cream. It turned her on.

She also liked Edward. He turned her on.

Edward put two and two together and felt a smile creep over his face.


http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4208134/1/Devouring_Edward

I think more from it as well;

from chapter two

Edward moved faster than the Enterprise from Star Trek on one of its missions. As soon as he reached the beautiful house of the Cullens’, he pushed the door open with such force that it was ripped off its hinges. Esme stood near by with obvious alarm.

“Edward, what’s –” she started, but Edward cut her off.

“Captain’s log, star date one two three four five, Bella has turned me on once again and I must satisfy my needs,” he muttered.


i'm just copying and pasting here not sure what fic its from

I shuddered as I saw Edward and Bella’s past.

“Lick my love pump!” Edward told Bella. Bella obeyed.

----

Laughing maniacally, Edward lathered himself in the cream until he was completely covered from head to toe and situated himself on his bed in a provocative position.

The door suddenly opened. Emmett walked in, took one glance at Edward and swiftly walked back out.

----
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4173703/1/Conceiving_Edward

There was a minute of silence and finally the door clicked open. Bella threw herself on Edward and whispered in his ear, "Edward, my love, what's wrong?"

Edward pulled away from Bella and looked down at the floor.

"Bella, I want to know ... how I was made."

"Carlisle made you, sweets."

"No. I mean when I was human."

"Oh. Well you see Edward, when two people -"

"No, I know that. It's just, I can't remember my parents. I mean, I remember my mother, sort of, but my father..." Edward trailed off, in thought. "There has to be two people; so how come I can't remember anything?"

(again this is from different parts of the story)

The cat untangled itself from the basin and stretched.

"Now, Edward, what is this I hear? You want to know where you came from? Hmmm..."

"- off!"

The cat gave Edward a piercing, stern look, and looked as though it was determined not to drop its gaze.

"Look into my eyes, look into my eyes," the cat said quickly and rhythmically.

The cat clicked its fingers.

"And ... you're under. Let me take you back many years ago."

His parents stood up, their chests heaving. Edward closed his eyes as his parents sat on the floor of box five. He put his hands to his head and shook his head vigorously.

"NO, NO, NO!"

He tried to move, but his feet were plastered to the floor. His eyes flung open. The cat was forcing him to watch.

( i was LAUGHING SO MUCH AT THIS ONE OMG LOL )

He was the watching the most sexual tension-filled rendition of 'The Point of No Return' performed by his parents. But there, in the plush, secluded box, his parents were going past the point of no return.

Laboured breathing once again reached Edward's ears. His eyes were wide open, courtesy of the cat, and the most hideous play was being performed, right there, in box five. Edward was being conceived.

"Well, the cat forced me to watch myself be conceived."

Bella almost burst out laughing, but quickly arranged her face to disgust.

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," she moaned.

"Indeed," Edward replied, "however, at least I know who my parents were."

2008-05-10 04:30 pm (local) (link)
"Please," Edward forced a dazzling smile.

The cat sighed, "fine."

Edward stared at the cat, waiting.

"You're father was a prostitute, and you have many half siblings."

"Oh, LORDIE!" Edward exclaimed. "Are any of my siblings vampires?"

"Hell no. However, you did have approximately 50 of them."

( i'm not sure if the fic is serious or whatever but omg its HILARIOUS I LOVES )

theres more but omg you guys seriously need to get a livejournal account and join ontd_twatlight the laughs are sooo funny, i could not stop laughing at those. Even if they arent serious they are sooooo damn funny

enjoy





I saw this and i'm just posting it haha

Those stories are horrible! I mean some of them were quite funny, but I just have to think that that isn't Bella and Edward

I know but they are just so funny.

wag1000 i just wana say that ur avatar is lovable (:
hehe .. LOL!

why thankyou please call me Bernadette though

ROFL my bad ~ xD sure thang ...

thats alright

omg I think im addicted to Twilight icons more than anything

"new moon" set to film this december

"Summit Entertainment is looking to make a real splash this year with their low budget adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. The teaser trailer for the film certainly looks low budget and I can't help but wonder if the first film exceeds the rumored $30-35 million budget if Summit will pony up a little more money for the sequel, New Moon.
Shock Til You Drop is reporting new rumors that plans to move forward with New Moon may indeed be real with plans to adapt it for release in December '09.

The site points out earlier speculation by producer Wyck Godfrey in which he said, "The goal is, we've got the [sequel] script ready to go and come December we want to shoot it for about the same time - for the weather and stuff we don't want to be in the heat of the winter. Obviously, you know the next book and know we can go out into the sun a little bit more. Hopefully, we'll have it ready to go and ready to start prepping for the beginning of next year."

"New Moon" continues the modern day love story between a vampire, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), and a human, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart). Twilight is set for theaters on December 12."

thanks to ohnoththeydidnt

and theyve told me to skip to chapter15 of new moon or skip it all together thanks ontd! I <3 you

http://twatfax.com/images/a/ad/Foutu_newmoon.jpg
I guess thats an outline of New Moon

I think whats making me love Twilight so much is ontd_twatlight

OMG BERNIE

DID YOU SEE

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheyd...page=7#comments

LOLOL IT WAS HELL AWKWARD IN THE 2ND CLIP..

oh and i found these comics last night its kinda spoilerish.







TWILIGHT IN 5 MINS... GET IN LOSER WE'RE GOING SPARKLING
I WANNA BE ON YOU LOL NO.


OH YOU FOUND IT ALREADY LOL

did you post on twatlight?

just keep reading it if you want to understand everything, i still dont understand most of the ending so if you read you can explain to me lol ty.

those stories are HILARIOUS!

OMGGGGG. THEY ARE MAKING A SECOND MOVIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YAYYYYY!
And it's not low budget The director better put all money and time into these movies and not waste a good book and great cast on her low budget thing!! NOT COOL.

No, don't skip chapter 15. I wouldn't skip any of it otherwise you won't understand what happened.

This site you guys are going too, it doesn't sound like they like Twilight at all, it just sounds like they are paying it out..



Hmm. It's funny, but Bern hasn't finished Twilight yet so be careful!

Btw, WTF is 'Om nom nom?' It just sounds stupid.

I skipped to chapter 15 (i'll read the other chapters once ive just skimmed reading the other chapters first) it doesnt matter if its spoilerish

"om nom nom" is a saying used like for eating I like it

they are paying it out, thats why I think I like twilight so much now

I don't like New Moon there needs more Edward

they're just not srs bsns about twilight.
idk how to explain, we're in it for the lulz rly.
tbqh i find twilight rly cheesy, but deep down there is a fangirl inside of me wanting teh bellz n eddiec to lose their virchoos, teh bellz becoming a vamp etc. im sure smeyer will make it all romantic, if she dosnt c.ockblock in BD.
anyhoo if your srs bsns about twilight dont take what us twats say personally.
BTW has anyone read the 1st chapter of breaking dawn? my personal fave bit was, charlie= YOUR PREGNANT, YOUR PREGNANT ARNT YOU?

I have posted on twatlight in the intro thread.. and the vacation post.

i updated my sig, the forums are so different now

LMAO OMG IVE BEEN WAITING FORYOU! I NEED TO LOL WITH YOU!

OmG....I love Twilight and New Moon and Eclipse. Best Books I've ever read.

Edward

new moon needs more Edward

Uh huh.

Well this topic has sort of turned around from what it's meant to be

Sorry I think i'm to blame for most of that

i come in here so randomly! so i really am not up to date with teh conversations.
now i have to read new moon before tehy start to film!

orly?

oyes. tis not as fun here without you tbqh - you get the lulz and i feel bad when its only be posting them

i've been posting on ontd_twatlight if you've noticed. and ontd which you've seen.

where does it say "I am chagrined" or whatever that word is in the books? i never noticed it.

courtesy of twatfax.com

Twilight
The word chagrin makes a grand total of 10 appearances in the Twilight series thus far. (Through Eclipse.)
"With chagrin, I realized the probable cause" (Twilight, Chapter 4)
"I hid my chagrin." (Twilight, Chapter 6)
"I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes." (Twilight, Chapter 12)
"His expression shifted instantly to chagrin." (Twilight, Chapter 14)
"I stared up at her, frightened, but she only seemed chagrined." (New Moon, Chapter 21)
"My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror. (New Moon, Chapter 24)
"The blood rushed into my face, fueled by irritation and chagrin." (Eclipse, Chapter 2)
"“I’m sorry,” she said in a chagrined voice." (Eclipse, Chapter 7)
"My face went from white to scarlet in a sudden blaze of chagrin." (Eclipse, Chapter 12)
"As soon as the words were out, I flushed with chagrin." (Eclipse, Chapter 26)

Midnight Sun
It also appears once in the first chapter of Midnight Sun from SMeyer's website.
"“You weren't going to do anything,” Alice murmured to him, soothing his chagrin."

The Host
Stephenie outdid herself with seven uses of chagrin in The Host.
"The chagrin in her tone was not because I was upset, but because she did not like being wrong." (Chapter 15)
"I gritted my teeth for a second, chagrined that he had made the connection so easily." (Chapter 23)
"From his expression, he was surprised to find me awake. Surprised and chagrined." (Chapter 37)
"I couldn’t do this for them, Melanie said, suddenly chagrined." (Chapter 46)
"Chagrin. I could do chagrin." (Chapter 48)
"Because that ugly face was torn with confusion and surprise and chagrin." (Chapter 51)


it really chagrins your dazzle after awhile.

thankyou!
wtf does it mean?

like depressed, upset. she uses the word grimaced alot too.



JUST COZ I CAN. MY FAVE MACRO EVAR.

o right, ty

ROFL

i am going to picspam with some lovely rpattz.






~ROMEO & JULIET~

Aww I like those last 2 pics.

the last pic is cute

DID U SAY U WANT MOAR?
WELL MOAR U GETS.



]



OK I HAVE TO STOP HERE, TOO MUCH DAZZLING.

ROFL THE FIRST ONE LMFAO I'll sleep with you Edward, I don't care if you eat me.. just sleep with me first

I adore this picture, thought you guys might want to take a look:

Clicky

I started reading Eclipse last night I really enjoyed what i've read so far! I'm up to chapter 4. I would have kept reading if I didn't need sleep

Awww what a cute pic!!

WOAH. How did you get there so fast? I only thought you had just started 'New Moon'! Did you think it was sad when Edward left? I did..

It is, isnt it! It just looks like Edward is so protective of Bella

I skipped New Moon but yeah I still know what happens im gonna re-read them all

Yeah they both look so cute!

http://www.myspace.com/lalastephanieb listen to the first song on that site. I loves it!

BERN. Naughty Oh well I guess cos you will re-read them all. But some bits from New Moon are in Eclipse..? Are you going to understand them?

Woah, that song is really good! Totally does suit Edward & Bella. That woman should send it to Catherine the director to see if they will use it!

Well its not like I skipped New Moon entirely I just skim read it - but yeah I know what happens etc, if I don't understand it then i'll understand it when I re-read it no big deal

She should! it really does suit them, its so lovely ive listened to it over and over.

CLAIRE DE LUNE IS GREAT.

*SLOWDANCESAWKWARDSCENE*

WHAT.

I CANT DANCE.

WELL I CAN ALWAYS MAKE YOU.

IM NOT SCARED OF YOU.

WELL YOU RLY SHOULDNT OF SAID THAT.

BAM.

UGH WHY WONT IT LET ME USE THE DAZZLE FONT IN HERE?
ANYWHOO, I WILL PICSPAM SOME KSTEW NEXT

LOL

i know the forums suck with html.

ooooh so random but watch out for the new philedephia cheese ad I KNOW THE PINK FAIRY. BE DAZZLED BY HER, SHES AWESOME. SHE USED TO BABYSIT ME AND IS A CLOSE FAMILY FRIEND LMAO.

I saw that ad several times tonight She's really pretty and has a hilarious face expression after she bites the toast.
That stuff looks so gross though.

oooh yay! shes awesome, shes so funny my mum loves her haha.. my whole family does

Has she done much acting before?

Ummm I don't know but I know shes wanted to do acting for aaaaages, and for her to land this commercial is pretty big! she used to be next door neighbours of Hugesy's she was on the radio all the time

Wow! That's awesome. I wonder how she did it. Good on her It's a great ad.

LMAO RPattz wins at life seriously! hes so funny I just watched an intrerview on youtube and hahaha he seriously WINS!!

Haha which interview? I've watched sooooo many on him on youtube. So sad. I just LOVEEE his laugh, it's so dorky and cute!

Umm the G4 one its like 5mins long or so hes totally paying out Edward and Bella haha

his accent love his accent.

I don't think I've seen that one! OH OH OH LINK. LINK PLEASE